As I lay here and wonder…
It’s an early Saturday morning and I’m lying in bed. Why am I awake so early? Did I stay up from a night out? Have I got somewhere to be?
On a weekday, I usually wake up this early for work and my body clock doesn’t change at the weekend even if I was out late.
Thoughts are whizzing through my head, question are flying around the room. I’m in two minds: I feel extremely blessed and extremely confused. This is the stage of life I’m in.
I am so thankful to God for the life I have and the opportunities he has given me. For 3 months at the beginning of this year, I was living in Durban, South Africa leading a team of girls. We were working in Crèches with the owners to help them improve their daycare to government standards. Through the ups and downs, I learnt a lot about myself, others and God. I was making a difference to so many people around me.
From here, I travelled around the world to live in Thailand, where I am currently. I have been here just over 4 months and I’m just loving every part of it. I live in a lovely condo with a great housemate, which overlooks the beautiful city of Bangkok. Every morning, I see the sun rise behind the tall skyscrapers, reflecting the ray around the city. The climate here is just perfect. Even though it is monsoon season, short, heavy rain shower come and go sporadically. On the occasion evening, the sky fills with flashes of lightening and the noise of thunder but thus doesn’t bother me. It is always hot here, my perfect temperature. What us there to complain about.
I love my job. Nothing beats teaching Thai children new English words whether it’s in English , Maths or Science. I love seeing them learn and grow in their knowledge of English. I can now even have a conversation with some of them. Their little, cute faces always puts the hugest grin on mine whether it’s when they see me in the corridor and they run up shouting ‘Teacher, Teacher!’ or when they have drawn me a picture.
As well as teaching in a school, I also tutor on the side and this gives me great pleasure. The families and children I work with are just the best. They are so grateful for me. One family always gives me a delicious snack like a chocolate Brownie or cheesecake. The children want to learn and talk English. Each one of the children I work with have touched and melted my heart.
On the weekends, I like to explore the places around me. Every few weeks, I travel to a new city for a weekend trip. I have been so luckily that I have seen a lot of Thailand and parts of the countries surrounding it. Some of the places I have seen are Chiang Mai, Kanchanaburi, Pai, Chachoengsao, Vientianne and various islands. If I am not away, then I wandering and discovering new parts of Bangkok.
These are just some of the reasons I feel so blessed. My list could go on: people, food, culture to name a few.
So why am I feeling confused?
The end of the semester us drawing closer and I have to make a decision: do I stay in the same school or do I go? Do I move to a different part of Thailand? Do I experience a rural school? Do I try out a completely different job? Do I travel? Do I move to a different country? Do I work in a different continent? Do I do charity work in South East Asia? Do I go back to Africa? Do I pack up and go back to England? What would I do in England?
There are so many unanswered questions. The world is literally my oyster.
A few days ago, I was on Skype with my sister and she pointed out that the bigger question is ‘When am I going to settle down?’. This has not been one of those questions floating around.
I know I’m not young and freshly out of school. I am 26 years old. I’m expected to be married, living in one place, having children. Yes, I do want all those things but I’m not going to wait around for Mr perfect. I want to live my life, travel the world and experience new things. I love my life that I am currently leading.
They say ‘The biggest regrets will be the things you didn’t do, not the things you did.’
I want my life to slow down…
What am I doing next in life? Only I can decide.